Crunchy Shoulder

I have realised recently that I do not deal with stress well at all.

I am a classic bottler and exploder. I give off an impression of being laidback and chilled when I can be furious inside. I have learned to hold this in because I do not like to be angry but I especially do like to be seen to be angry. I like to try to deal with things myself if I can.

This series of actions, however has increased my anxiety and now I have noticed more than ever, the physical repercussions of keeping stress in.

The most notable physical symptoms are: stiff neck and the most painful heavy feeling in my shoulders, severe stabbing headaches in the base of my skull, an increase in spots, an increase of nervous energy and mind over load.

The past few weeks, however I have been experiencing a "crunchy shoulder". While I try to massage any knots out myself, I cannot relax properly, therefore it is not having the desired effect. I have booked a much needed spa weekend for the end of this month, which really can't come quickly enough and I hope this will sort my shoulder out. Because at the moment, my muscles are crunching and clicking under my fingers. This is known as "bubble wrap" (not a technical term eh?) which is basically a build up of lactic acid around the muscles, also commonly formed when exercising on a regular basis. These bubbles of liquid need to be massaged out, to ensure the joints do not stiffen. But this I believe, has happened to me and alongside my stress levels, I am in a bit of a predicament.

It is not a cheap solution to get a sports massage every week but I think it may be something I need to look into. Perhaps on a monthly basis. I need to practice some calming methods on a more regular basis too. I am very good at planning things and coming up with ideas, but I am not good at executing them, which is to my detriment.

However, I have recently bought a book which came highly recommended via Amazon (the reviewers on there are among the harshest, so I run every single purchase I possibly can through Amazon first, before buying it) by Nicky Hambledon-Smith, called Top to Toe. It is basically a self-help book helping you to change the way you think and to help you make your dreams happen. Basically a form of cognitive behaviour if you like. By taking the time to focus on your dreams, it gives you more of a feeling of purpose and direction and that is something I definitely need.

I write lists and lists and I have bags and bags of "to-do" items, but I rarely get to any of them, and so I have become very disorganised and lacking in direction. So i will be reading this book and making a point of where I want to go. But before I do that, I am going to set myself a goal of doing 3 things per evening that I have not done but need to. I think this is a way to get things done and a small commitment to myself, to encourage following things through to it's end, which I regularly find myself incapable of doing.

So tonight, I intend to:
1, Make a cheesecake
2, Do all the washing up
3, Write an overdue email to one friend.

I can't wait to start this!