Jan 2010

As per usual, I sat down with a short lived energy to plan my 2010 life. What do I want to achieve? How many holidays do I want to take, when, where, with who? I've mapped the entire thing out on a calendar, which will no doubt become a mere scrap of paper lost among the other scraps of papers, receipts, bills and statements that I'm a. Yet to get through and b. ironically have as a new years resolution written down as a "must clear paperwork more often".

The thing is though, I DO have good intentions like many people. I also have this innate fear that if I don't have a plan even if its a plan that stays in my head for a week, that somehow life willpass me by and nothing will get done. It's like I've convinced myself that by putting thoughts to paper, ideas through a pen, that somehow I'VE MADE PLANS, things are GOING TO HAPPEN.

And the thing is, because I hoard paper and everything, I can rest assured that even if that paper goes missing tomorrow and I don't find it until June, it will doubtless be found at that moment, when life is a bit glum and I've had to resort to sort through papers, simply because I've got nothing else to do, and I will have this warm glow of the plans I'd made and it'll probably make me think about what I have done so far that year. Nothing like nostalgia to make you feel good again.

I can never remember if this positive glow that I feel today, is something I feel every January. I feel ready for this year, I feel like YES, this is THE year. I did the usual "what is my horoscope for 2010" on google, and really didnt like any of the answers I found. All contradicting each other. It seems I'm going to get the job of my dreams and should shape up my resume at the same time as really needing to save money and probably accept that I wont be getting any kind of pay rise or career progression. So that's nothing more than confusing.

I feel this absolute need and reassurance that all will be ok, but it doesnt seem that Russell Grant, or Jonathon Cainer or any other astrologer is able to provide this. So I will have a think on that one.

But the resolutions I've made are the same ones as usual, lose weight, tone up, spend time wisely between boyfriend, friends family and also make time for myself, take up that Interior Design course, look for a new job, learn a new skill, address my diet, save for a house, pay off debts, blah blah blah. But this year with added motivation!